The Conversation That Creates Reality: How Talking Builds Trust in What’s Real

By Wendy L. Patrick

It’s possible to talk your way to making sense out of our world.

Whether you are talking with a new acquaintance, family member, or romantic partner, agreement fuels authenticity when it comes to understanding the world around us—including the assurance that what we are experiencing or perceiving is “real.”

Maya Rossignac-Milon et al. (2025) in three studies explored the extent to which conversation predicts a sense of “realness” through shared reality. They propose that conversation, especially with other people who are close contacts, is a critical method people use to perceive whether their experiences are objectively real.

They give an example of asking someone else, “Did you hear that sound?” as an objective reality test, illustrating the need to validate and verify one’s experiences with others to ensure they are not just subjective perceptions.

Accordingly, they studied the impact of watching how conversation partners develop a shared reality, defined as “the perception of sharing the same beliefs and feelings about the world.” In the first study, they found that conversation partners who just met and spontaneously discussed ambiguous images perceived the images as being more real—an experience that was mediated by a sense of shared reality.

They found the same result in their second study, where on days participants spent more time talking with a close partner, such as a friend or family member, their experiences were also perceived as more real—an effect similar to the first study and mediated by a sense of shared reality.

In the third study, romantic partners rated a diverse assortment of sensory stimuli and were then told that a computer program compared their “sensory style” to that of their partner. So as not to disrupt perception of compatibility, Rossignac-Milon et al. (ibid.) ensured couples were told that both similarity and complementarity in sensory styles can be beneficial; their intent was to manipulate partner perceptions of sensory overlap, not relationship satisfaction.

In the Assurance condition, partners were told their sensory experience overlap was 82.4%, while in the Doubt condition, it was only 31.8%. They found that experimentally introducing doubt in shared reality beliefs between romantic couples disrupted the effect of conversation on a sense of realness; the effects persisted even one week later.

Connecting Through Conversation Topics: From Significant to Superficial

There are many possibilities for developing a shared sense of reality within the types of conversations we have with various people throughout the course of our day, from the classroom to the boardroom to our living room.

How deeply does conversation need to be to create this effect?

Apparently, not very deeply at all. In their first study, Rossignac-Milon et al. (supra) had new acquaintances discuss minimalistic drawings, noting they perceived them as more real when talking about them together. Study two involved discussing daily events and everyday experiences, and study three involved a variety of sensory stimuli relating to tactile, visual, and gustatory experiences on various dimensions such as sweetness and texture.

Accordingly, Rossignac-Milon et al. (supra) concluded that their three studies, considered together, suggest that conversation partners within different types of relationships can establish a sense of shared reality—which may enhance the “realness” of life experiences, demonstrating how interpretations of the world and sense of self are created through interpersonal interaction.

As a practical matter, this research indicates the importance of relationships to mental health and wellness and explains why people who are feeling anxious or unsettled often feel better when they talk it out. Friends, family, and partners are great sources of comfort and assurance, and can function as objective sounding boards for thoughts and ideas. Remember also that professional help is available.