The Hidden Factors That Matter Most in Long-Term Relationships
Cropped shot of a young married couple tasting the food they are making in the kitchen at home
Many have heard this classic saying, which still holds true today: visual appeal remains a significant component of physical attraction at least initially. However, when romance moves beyond the surface, other qualities become paramount—such as kindness, honesty, compassion, compatibility, and how a partner makes us feel about ourselves.
Dating profiles often showcase a mix of physical and emotional traits. Yet research has revealed what factors matter most to prospective partners when physical attraction is absent. A 2021 study by Kaitlyn P. White et al. examined how men and women make mating decisions without physical appeal.
The researchers acknowledged that highly attractive potential partners can be scarce, pushing singles to broaden their perspective. Participants rated images of unattractive individuals for both long-term and short-term relationships after learning either favorable or unfavorable information about them.
The study found that while all participants favored partners with positive information, men were generally more willing than women to pursue casual sex. Over time, traits like an easygoing personality, positivity, and humor can build chemistry even without stunning good looks. Conversely, difficult traits and a disagreeable temperament can extinguish any spark—whether the partner is physically attractive or not.
White et al. discovered that learning unfavorable information reduced desire for target individuals compared to positive information. Additionally, women’s lack of interest in unattractive partners did not depend on the mating context; men found such targets particularly undesirable for long-term relationships.
Regarding positive attributes, the study revealed that men were open to forming long-term relationships with physically unattractive partners who possessed desirable qualities. For short-term satisfaction, men showed greater interest in pursuing casual sex with individuals of limited physical appeal, regardless of other traits. They were also more willing than women to form serious relationships with less attractive partners—provided those individuals had qualities like kindness or good fashion sense.
In contrast, women consistently lacked interest in physically unattractive people, irrespective of relationship goals.
The article emphasizes that the most productive method of getting to know someone is a process: chemistry develops through in-person contact, comfort, and tested compatibility. Dating profiles often highlight surface-level traits, but true personality emerges only through interaction. Safe and healthy relationships are built over time, so it’s crucial to date at a reasonable pace, in public settings, and with respect for both partners.
